Episode III

Hey.. so its been a while since I’ve posted anything. Go figure. I knew that was going to happen actually. I’m really bad at writing on a regular basis – I tend to just write when I want to. And sometimes I don’t want to for weeks at a time. But anyway, welcome back to my followers I guess? And to my stalkers who read these but never post on them– hey, you don’t have to pretend like you’re not actually reading this you know. I’m not that judgmental. It’s only weird when you bring up something that I wrote about when I had no idea that you were even reading it. Then I tend to be like “wait.. how do you even know about that?” like when the kids I work with at the Montessori school are perpetually bamboozled by my knowing their names. Some of them ask me every day.. “How do you know my name?”…. uh you introduced yourself yesterday.. and the day before.. and actually the day before that too. Maybe you should get that checked out or something.

On a similar note, I’m fairly certain that I creeped out a girl that I was playing soccer with a few weeks ago. She let out this weird noise.. it sounded kinda like a dog whimper – I think she was afraid that somebody was going to run into her. But anyway, whatever the case – I was like “wait, what was that?” I was being sarcastic. I forgot that sometimes when you’ve never talked to people before it’s a bad idea to be sarcastic. She definitely thought I was serious, she was like “oh.. nothing, I just made a noise.” I said “oh.. yeah, I know” and walked away. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the game.

TRAFFIC JAMS

Kalispell drivers kind of suck. Some of them actually don’t know how to drive. But more than that, they just have no concept of street etiquette. I mean it’s super nice of them to stop and let me cross the street and I appreciate the gesture, but it tends to just make me feel weird when they stop at a green light to let me cross in front of them, especially when the people in the other lanes don’t stop. It used to make me feel obligated to jog across the street in order to get out of their way more quickly – but lately I’ve adopted a new policy. I cross streets blindly. I just assume that people are going to stop for me because they always do. Well, my policy didn’t work so well once – I caused a bit of a traffic jam. There was a 4-way stop at a busy intersection and somehow it happened just right so that nobody could go anywhere for the entire time that I was in the intersection. By the time I got all the way across there were 8-10 cars waiting to go about their ways. I’m not sure what’s worse – that I inconvenienced 16-20 people or that I don’t feel bad at all about it. It was still better than the “wave battles” that ensue if you try to insist that a car should not in fact stop for a green light.

BROWNIE SHENANIGANS

I’ve been trying to send my team (e.g. the kids that I lived with on campus in the middle of nowhere) brownies for about 2 months straight. I make a batch of brownies almost every week, and almost every week I manage to rationalize eating them all myself. Actually, that’s not quite true – one week I did manage to not eat any. I made them on Wednesday night and was sending them out on Thursday. I only made enough for each person to have one brownie and I carved their initials into them to make it more personal. If I ate any I would know who I was stealing a brownie from and feel like shit about it. Then, when I go to get them.. 2 are gone. And of course nobody ate any.. there’s not a single guilty man in Shawshank Prison. I literally asked about 25 people if they’d had any brownies and not a one of them would admit to it. I still haven’t sent brownies to my team. If you’re reading this.. sorry guys. Ill get them to you eventually.

MONTESSORI MISADVENTURES

This is a fun section.. as it always is. Lately I’ve been playing a wide variety of different versions of “tag” with the kids. Their two favorites are zombie tag and glue tag. Zombie tag used to be the best – basically it’s tag, but whenever somebody gets tagged they become a zombie and help tag everyone else. They always make me “it” so when we play zombie tag it’s super easy because I just tag one person and then stand around and watch them play. But then one day the kids realized that zombie hunt was more fun than zombie tag. It all started with a mischievous little 6 year old named Mason. I tagged him but he refused to yield. He rallied all the kids in the playground against me like “guys, we don’t have to be zombies, we can fight back!” oh did the kids love that.

They all came running up jumping on me/pummeling me with their tiny fists. I ran away for a while.. but then I got tired so I decided to divert them (all kids are ADD) – I was like “guys.. let’s make snow angels! Who wants to see me make a snow angel?” and they all forgot to attack me.

After that incident, I tried to stay away from zombie tag – so we all started playing “glue tag” which is what the kids are calling Freeze Tag these days.. I guess it’s just more fun to say “you’re glued” than “you’re frozen”

WHAT THE F*CK COPS? (YES I WATCH PHILIP DEFRANCO)

A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends was jogging down the street – running late for an engagement that he had and minding his own business when he was tackled by a cop. The cop literally pulled a gun on my friend. Apparently he matched the description of a runaway-suicidal kid. I still can’t figure out how pulling a gun on a suicidal kid is going to help anything. “GET DOWN…. I’ll shoot.. I’ll shoot” chalk it up to small-town cops. They get bored.

MY NEW HERO/Links to Awesome Stuff

So, some dude managed to steal a $238,000 from the wicked capitalists. He complained of bowel pains on a flight that he somehow knew was transporting 1.6 million dollars and spent the entire flight in the bathroom. he sounds like another barefoot bandit. i wish they could get together and like find 9 other guys and make colton's 11. gotta bust him out of jail first though.

Check out the story for yourself

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2684553/posts

oh and Philip defranco is my other new hero.. he’s probably the funniest vlogger I’ve ever seen. Check it out – I promise you’ll laugh. He’s talking about condoms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqCJc6cvjec