Happy (Good) Friday…VIII
This was a pretty standard week. I spent a couple days really happy, a couple days really sad, a day thinking, a night talking about existential crises, and a few hours writing a blog. Also, if you like this you should hit the button that says "follow." Show it some love.
Walking to practice
This story actually has a moral. For once I’m not just writing an ambling caustic tirade. Don’t ever give up on yourself. In fact, operate under the perpetual assumption of success. Because oftentimes when you pretend that things are going to pan out favorably, you give off an aura that makes stuff fall into place. <-- basically, get money and fuck shit up.
Picture the scene: It’s Monday, 2:00 o’clock in the afternoon. I have soccer practice tonight, but I have no idea when or where it is. And, more than that – I have to go to work until 3, and Noah (the only person in the world who knows when/where practice is) is nowhere to be found. So, I grab my cleats, grab my bike and go to work.
3:00 o’clock – I run into Noah, he gives me all the info: practice is at 5:30 at a field about a 2 mile walk away.
Now all that remains is to convince Kyle (the staff) that it’s okay for me to walk 2 miles by myself on a busy street into a blizzard. I’m not worried though, I got this shit on lock.
-“yo Kyle, I gotta go to soccer practice”
“hmm, are you sure that’s a good idea?”
-“yeah man, I’ve been waiting for this since Christmas”
“well.. how are you going to get home?” (it was about a 3-4 mile walk home)
-“Phil (the other staff) is going to pick me up on the way to Costco later tonight”
“did you work that out with Phil?”
*this is where shit went down.. I totally did not talk to Phil about it, because I hadn’t seen Phil recently. But don’t worry, I’m good at dodging questions on my feet. Plus I’d anticipated this question before I even started the conversation”
-“He was already going to do it for Noah, so yeah, it should be fine”
“well, I just don’t want you to get stranded in this!” *gestures to the blizzard going on*
-“I’ll be fine, worst case I’ll just walk across the street to the college and chill there”
“hmm, are you sure you want to do this? Because that’s the most important thing really”
See what I did there? Yeah. I’m not sure I do either. Like what? ..how did I get you to go from “I don’t want you to get stranded” to “what you want is most important.” I dunno, but I definitely impressed myself. I convinced him it was totally legit for me to walk away into the snow pouring down out of the sky by telling him I would be picked up by a staff who didn’t yet know that he was picking me up. And I did it without lying at all. Like I said, I was feelin some good vibrations that day. I had it set in my head that I was getting on that field. I wouldn’t let nobody tell me otherwise neither.
Then I got there and practice was cancelled. I guess that the rest of the team just wasn’t as dedicated as me. But, it was 100% worth it. I would so much rather show up at a practice that gets cancelled than miss a practice that actually happens.
Meth III – feed the animals
I have decided that Todd, the guy that I thought was the neighborhood meth-head, is extremely lonely. One of my friends ran into him outside the supermarket a couple days ago. He had a bag of assorted nuts in his hand, and he was sitting there, trying to see how close he could get the squirrels to come. As my friend walked by, Todd stopped him,
“see these lil’ fellers?’
-“…yeah”
“They’re my friends, I been feedin’ them all day! Watch this!”
*and he proceeds to hand-feed the squirrel*
Feeding squirrels is a totally legitimate activity. Can’t say that I’ve ever done it, but it’s legitimate. Like feeding ducks in a pond. But all day? And by yourself? I thought that feeding ducks was a social activity. Like “hey brah, wanna come feed the ducks with me?”
Another thing, I don’t buy the story he told us about a doctor telling him to get more exercise. I mean have you seen him? (that’s rhetorical, I know you haven’t) he just doesn’t look like the doctor type. I think he just wanted an excuse to talk to us while we were raking. Fine by me man, I’ll be your friend if you rake my lawn.
Okay, that’s bad. I didn’t mean that. I really didn’t – I totally get being lonely, I honestly feel bad for him. Feeling left out is one of the worst feelings in the world. I do wish he’d be honest about it though.
Montessori Misadventures
This section is mostly more of the same. However, I did have an epic 30 minute light-saber battle with one of the kids this week. I don’t really know how he talked me into it. I was feeling sickly and it was snowing, but somehow I just couldn’t resist retaliating as he tried to slice me into little bits.
Also, I overheard the kids having a conversation – one of them was like,
“is John a teacher?”
And the other one answered, “no, silly, teacher’s are bossy! John’s not bossy, he’s cool.”
Which is good, I definitely wouldn’t want my kids to think I was a jerk. I’m convinced that the Montessori school is the largest congregation of awesome kids in one place in the entire city. Even if they are all 5 years old.
Elyana, I hope you read this. I doubt you ever will, but I hope that someday you stumble upon it. And I hope that, by that day, you’ve developed a sense of humor. honestly, I wish you only the best. Just keep your shirt on.
Did anybody see this picture and wonder what the fuck was going on with it? (I know some of you did)
If you didn’t and you don’t really want to know why it was my profile picture, then the short version is that it’s a long story. And I was fucking with somebody.
It’s a joke that’s been running for two years now. It starts on New Year’s night, 2009. I was with a couple of friends, eating popcorn, playing Call of Duty for hours on end, and definitely not sleeping. Roundabout 3 AM, we got bored of playing COD and decided to prank call some friends who were out getting shitfaced. I was the only one who didn’t actually know the people we were calling. It was perfect, they wouldn’t recognize my number or my voice.
So we called Elise, the girl on the left. She answered and I told her that her boyfriend, Christian (who’s a huge stoner) had been cheesed. In this context, cheesed means busted. I think it’s from a Seinfeld episode.
At first she didn’t believe me, but then she called back about a half hour later (presumably after failing to reach Christian) and she was freaking out.
Like, “who is this?? How do you know??”
I just kept telling her “dude, it doesn’t even matter who I am, Christian’s been fucking cheesed! What the fuck do we do now?”
The next morning, I called Christian and convinced him that I was his guardian angel come to save him from being cheesed. But that’s a totally different story. Elyana (the girl on the right) uploaded that picture to facebook. Then Elise freaked out again (she’s quite good at freaking out) – like,
“what the fuck, take this down!”
And Elyana was just like “why? I’m not uncomfortable with my body” <-- which is kinda awesome
Eventually Elise won and they took the picture down, but one of my friends had saved it on his computer, so I made it my profile picture as a joke. I still wasn’t friends with Elise or Elyana though – so they had no idea that the picture even still existed. Then, last week I was going through my old profile pictures and saw it. I decided to pull it out again, but this time, I sent a friend request to Elyana, just to fuck with her. It’s funny because she’s pretty close to a lot of my friends, so it’s not creepy. Apparently, she didn’t find it very amusing. She ignored my friend request. Basically, fuck bitches, get money.
Blanket Boy
There is a man who roams the streets of Kalispell Montana. He was dubbed Blanket Boy because, wherever he goes, he always wears his blanket. He’s kind of a big deal; everybody around here knows who he is. He’s a local celebrity of sorts.. basically the Montanan version of Leslie Cochran (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leslie_Cochran) <-- this guy is great, he helps keep Austin weird. I do wish he would wear pants though. Anyway, rumor has it that somebody once offered to buy blanket boy a sweatshirt, but he refused. I guess he’s not ready to part with his blankey just yet. The local paper did an article on him a while back, but I when I searched for it all it returned was this article about a guy who spent “more than a year trying to get his son back from the Bahamas.” Well, that headline caught my eye – so I gave up searching for blanket boy. Turns out this guy “returned to Kalispell alone, with the expectation that his wife and child would follow later. They never did, and his wife eventually cut off communication.” Really, this just reinforces my previous contention: fuck bitches, get money.
The Morgan Files
This week, Morgan began the long process of re-growing his beard. He also said something in his sleep that I remember being quite odd/amusing. Unfortunately, I was in that state of consciousness when he said it where you KNOW that you will remember it in the morning even if you don’t write it down.. and then you forget it in the morning. So I haven’t a clue what it was.
But, he did get me into some great music recently. It’s a band called A Silver Mt. Zion. However, I need to put a little disclaimer here – it’s not easy listening at all. It’s totally different than that ear-candy I posted two weeks ago. You have to actually give it a chance.. probably a second and third chance too. But I promise, if you are a somewhat dark, cynical, discerning person with an open mind toward music, it will eventually start to consume you. The lyrics and vocals are hauntingly brilliant. Here are a couple links to the songs that I found to be the easiest to listen to:
Horses in the Sky – this was their first song that I actually genuinely liked/became obsessed with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5f1ntFu9vo
God bless our dead marines – the part where he starts talking about friends he’s lost gets me every time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBXANsCdT7c
Irony IV
Sometimes people amaze me. Sometimes, they amaze me in a good way, like those people from Mississippi that Phil was talking about (www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7JBpYRwHyM) <-- people from Mississippi. But sometimes, they amaze me in a bad way. Honestly, I probably should not post this story. It could get blown out of proportion, made into a giant therapeutic issue/brought up in group. At the moment, however, I don’t really care; I’ll just do my best to recount the events as close to reality/bias free as I can.
Several weeks ago, I found a bike in our basement that was broken and looked as though it had been there for an eternity. I went around asking everyone if they knew who’s it was for about a week before determining that it was legit to fix/use. So, I fixed it with the help of some friends (the front wheel was on backwards and totally off kilter, and the handlebars were extremely loose) and started riding around the city on it. This morning, one of the girls saw it and was like
“hey! That’s my bike!”
-“oh.. is it cool if I use it?”
“yeah, I mean it’s broken” (insinuation being “I don’t want it anymore anyway.. I’m just amazed that you would want to ride such a shitty bike)
-“it was, I actually fixed it”
Then later, she confronts me with one of her friends,
“hey that is NOT cool, you didn’t lock my bike.”
-“I thought you didn’t want it anymore?”
“you said yourself that you fixed it. If it gets stolen you’re buying me a new one”
-“Ummm.. no I’m not. If you don’t want me to ride it anymore then I won’t. But I went around asking everyone if it was theirs before deciding it was nobody’s and fixing it”
“clearly you didn’t ask me. You’re buying me a new one”
______________________________________________________________
I have several issues with this whole sequence of events:
I. why is your friend with you? Are you that scared of me? I mean honestly.. that’s kind of offensive – it’s not like I’m going to fucking assault you. I’m just going to bitch about it on the internet later.
II. So you don’t want your bike when it’s broken, but once I fix it you reclaim it? Maybe this is reasonable.. but it doesn’t seem like it. If you give a ripped shirt to your friend and they sew it back up I don’t think you just get to take the shirt back normally. I am willing to acknowledge that she didn’t explicitly *give* me the bike, but she did leave it in the basement of a house she wasn’t living at for approximately 10 months. And she definitely didn’t sound like she wanted it when she thought it was broken
III. Why so confrontational? I honestly was willing to give her the bike back (which is why I offered to not ride it any more) but sheesh. That hurt my feelings. I don’t think I was doing anything wrong in my ignorance – and if locking the bike is the issue, I can always lock it with my friend’s (which is what I went and did after this whole debacle). But girl, take a deep breath, you sound like you’re about to have a hernia. I mean, I get it, a lot of people are mean to you/don’t like you and you’re bitter about it. That doesn’t give you the right to take it out on me.
If it does somehow get stolen, (despite being locked with my friend’s lock) I think that I will buy her a broken bike. Like here ya go, I’m not fixing it for you this time. All of this just because she hurt my feelings. . maybe I should just get over it. Add it to my list of reasons to hate humanity.
I swear it’s the same
I had an interesting thought this week. I like whole milk way more than I like 2% milk.. but it has twice as much fat in it. Which means it’s twice as likely to make me hate myself when I drink it. So, I decided to start buying a half gallon of whole milk instead of a whole gallon of half milk. It’s the same amount of fat but I enjoy drinking it way more.
Ears and Stuff
This is distinctly in the “news that doesn’t matter but I’m still including” category: I pierced my ear last week. Now I have a subtle little stud in it. Thus far everyone has liked it. Thank you for your time.
Here’s the only picture I have of it so far (sorry about quality, I don’t have a camera so I had to use my computer’s built in one):
The Web
Links From Blog available up and over ---> that way
Funsies/Pranks:
http://www.qualitysilkplants.com/ct332.html <-- i really, really want one of these. They’re hilarious, you throw them at people and shout “CACTUS!” while it’s in the air. Then you laugh.
http://www.switched.com/2009/10/13/usb-computer-prankster-will-make-everyone-in-the-office-hate-you/<-- this is also in the category of things I really want. Some people make the coolest toys!
http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/learn-how-to-hack-those-electronic-road-signs-its-really-easy <-- i’m not sure if this is true or not. But if it is, it’s definitely on my to-do list. Oh, but don’t actually do it. Pretty sure you could go to jail. And if you do it, take pictures and send them to me. But be sure you’re wearing a mask so that nobody can tell who you are. Plus, read the comments on this page. Fucking great.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuyM0UnBPMY <-- I confess, I stole this from the defranco show. But it’s still fucking great. Some hotel decided it would be funny to dress a random guy up like Justin Bieber and have him wave to a bunch of teenage girls from the roof. *facepalm*
http://www.looplabs.com/ <-- not a prank, but this is a great time-waster. Unless you’re good, then I guess you could make bank? I dunno, I thought it was fun. Especially since you don’t have to download anything and it’s free.
Music:
So I found out this week that Pitbull straight up steals beats on a regular basis. At first I was quite peeved with him. But then I realized that it meant that he’s just helping me find some of the most awesome songs I’ve ever heard in my life. Plus, I do enjoy Pitbull’s music. I’m devoting most of this section to sharing the real songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSzpOUwiLkc <-- this is the song behind Pitbull’s Hotel Room Service. It skyrocketed to the top of my most loved music this week, no contest the best song I’ve heard this week. Or last week. Or the week before.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3S4dBk4E1g <-- this is from “Bon Bon.” I love this song, but honestly, I might like Pitbull’s just as much? I’m not entirely sure if I really like Bon Bon or if I just like the music video for it.. They’re both good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL1hlzLsUaU <-- and of course, Calabria. If you haven’t heard this song, you really need to. It was a huge club hit when I was in Bolivia.. it definitely has some fond memories attached to it. Unfortunately, Natasja (the singer) died in a car accident in 2007 :( no more calabrias from her I guess. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natasja_Saad) <-- her Wikipedia page
Pitbull’s songs:
Hotel Room Service (push the feeling on) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2up_Eq6r6Ko
Bon Bon (we no speak Americano) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O72RLP5fF4
The Anthem (Calabria)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5nFbWLfRMc
And lastly, some chill songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzdR3zOGVO8&feature=feedlik <-- this is the kind of song that you can forget you’re listening to but then once it stops you’re like wtf, my life just got a little worse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxvpctgU_s8&feature=feedlik<--I don’t quite understand the name of the song.. I don’t think anyone could ever fall out of love with Sharon den Adel. Especially when she sounds like this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2RCCDSBEGk <-- this guy’s a hoot. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about his music but it’s catchy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dON2VJh2h68 <-- 420 ooooh yay. drugs! lets smoke like a genie and get super blazed! ahhhh, I almost made it through this without making a 420 reference. But not quite. I had to pay tribute somehow. "we have weed in our cakes and oreos." Pretty great song. If you don't know what 420 is then look it up. (here's a start, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=420) april 20th is 4/20. get it? start connecting the dots. i know you can do it.
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